PTSD and YOU: Who should we allow in our worlds?

Letting people into our worlds after getting PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a fragile situation for most of us. We need to feel “safe” at all times and if there is an “unsafe person” in the mix, they can trigger us just by being present in our world.

Recently I was tested by having someone in the family (not mine but my partner’s family) near me who has committed a lot of crimes and never worked despite being in his mid thirties. This person committed such crimes against the people he loved I do not understand how they can keep giving him chance after chance after chance. My family may not have gotten everything right but one thing they did teach us is that enabling and even rewarding bad behavior is NOT the right thing to do. It is so NOT the right thing to do, it just allows the sickness to continue. This person is a user and taker of people, places and things as his own uncle says, “always looking for a freebie.”

This person “triggers” me but that wouldn’t happen if he weren’t repeatedly given chance after chance after chance. In my opinion the door should have been shut to this person years ago. He thinks it is an honor and something to be proud of that he has done “time” or has court coming up. He cannot even see the stupidity in that type of thought process and will likely always be “prison cultured.” When I worked in Corrections in a jail for a few years I saw up close and personal the reason why the recidivism factor is so high. Many become “prison cultured” and do not even have a grasp of what it is to be a human being who actually contributes to society instead of always taking, taking, taking from anyone and everyone they can.

Three strikes you’re out is my motto for anyone who is living this “pretend thug life” way. He has had well more than three strikes. Yet he is being given chance after chance after chance. How is it that I have never done anything wrong in my life, have always tried to do the good and right thing and nobody is coming to the rescue of me or others like me while people like him get break after break after break. Dr. Phil (yes I mentioned Dr Phil) would have much to say about this, I am sure. He would likely talk about “consequences,” “enabling” and “rewarding bad behavior.” Why can’t those closest to this person “see” what they are doing?

“Molly coddling” as my mother called it is not the way to go with a person like this. This person needs to get out, grow up and stand on their own two feet without any “enabling” or “favoring” from any source. Only then could a person like me even begin to think about trusting him or allowing him near me in my world. Oh, I’ve heard the song and dance about him being “blood” but that’s just another excuse and the longer people continue to “make excuses” for him, the longer he will need a “giant pacifier” without doing a lick of work for himself in the world.

Even talk about this person triggers me because he walks around bilking the bank out of money or high as a kite all the while people are telling me “he’s keeping his nose clean.” I am struggling now with the idea of just disengaging entirely from the family so I no longer have to be triggered by his garbage and that of his girlfriend who is just as toxic and messed up as he is. But what do you do when you love so many people in that family and are feeling ripped off that it is “you” who has to do anything because “you” have done nothing wrong?

So, PTSD triggers can show up anytime and from any source. We don’t always know what the triggers will be but when we do know what the triggers are, we can do our best to avoid them.  Even if that means withdrawing from some people and relationships to keep ourselves “safe.” It would be nice if there were a simple answer for this but there isn’t. Withdrawing and Avoiding are all I know to do. On that note, here is my latest PTSD poster, thank you for reading my blog today. And, if you are in my world, thank you for being kind, human and “safe.”

capture-ptsd-you-poster-6

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10 thoughts on “PTSD and YOU: Who should we allow in our worlds?

  1. A wonderful post Janni. You explain things so well and this is an awful situation for you. A very difficult one. But I am sure your post says it all and will be a huge help to people in every way

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Shehanne, I hope it will be of help in some way, too. It is a strange situation to be in. As a close friend says, why are you the only one telling the truth about this, are they blind or just choose not to see. Working my way through it. Establishing new boundaries and parameters for some relationships so at least I won’t have to put up with hearing how sorry people feel for him or how good he is doing. Hah. Good my foot. Not possible in this case as far as I can see in over four years. Lots of “talk” and con charmer smiles but “walk the talk” – not unless he is chauffered around and babysat every step of the way and even that doesn’t alter what he does or who he hangs with. I am so tired of it all. I just want it all to go away and stay away. Thanks again for your kind support.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Some folk just have to find out for themselves and if they never do then that is their affair. You have done everything you can with all your own problems to cope with too. I do love your good my foot. I often think like that! You just keep fighting the good fight my darling and inspiring those around you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks kindly Shehanne, I think Queen Karma is enroute, no escaping bad energy of using people or the lies people tell themselves. It always comes home to roost. It is just a matter of time. I am still wobbly and confused by the whole ordeal but doing my best to take good care of myself until this, too, shall pass. I sincerely appreciate your steadfast love and support. ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am just me doll. Seriously but your lovely words have touched mexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hugs to you my special Janni x

    Liked by 1 person

Love and peace to you... your thoughts are always welcome here...

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