The Dark Hand

A life of dark cycles

Re – repeated

Indulgence wins

Good sense unseated

Cries out  for help

All answered kindly

Yet ill choices made

Consequence never timely

No turning back clocks

No re-walking sly walks

Still the narcissist

Talks, talks, and talks

I’m Gonna’ I’m gonna’ gonna’

Theme of his whole life

Near six long decades proof

Not including many decade’s wife

No pity for his bad choices

And do not ever tell her

She does not understand

Many decades lost to ill choice

Of one most determined man

Bound to an ill fate

By his very own hand

(c) Janni Styles

 

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How Will I Write The World Today?

maybe I will write the world today

when I am done with all my thinking

when the innocent stars have all returned

after the high sun finishes sinking

 

maybe I will write the world today

if this too fast life could just stop turning

if greed and gluttony would finally end

and all the hateful hearts stop burning

 

maybe I will write the world today

when my mind can just stop spinning

when humans are all bent on love

instead of winning, winning, winning

 

what hollow prizes must those be

when hurting others is the game

inhumanity and crime will never win

loving hearts remain ever the same

 

maybe I will write the world today

(c) Janni Styles

 

The Rose Series: Just Like That

I wrote you a verse one night in my dreams

I wrote of a love bursting out at the seams

Your face and mine touching

just like that

I called your name that night in my dreams

I called your name until it echoed as screams

Your heart and mine inched closer

just like that

Your hands reached for me last night in my dreams

You wrote my name out in black ribbony streams

Your script broke my rhyme

just like that

I am not yours anymore yet more complete now it seems

Living life sweet with roses, no more false promise schemes

Your poem frozen permanently out of my heart

just like that

(c) Janni Styles

PTSD and YOU: Who should we allow in our worlds?

Letting people into our worlds after getting PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a fragile situation for most of us. We need to feel “safe” at all times and if there is an “unsafe person” in the mix, they can trigger us just by being present in our world.

Recently I was tested by having someone in the family (not mine but my partner’s family) near me who has committed a lot of crimes and never worked despite being in his mid thirties. This person committed such crimes against the people he loved I do not understand how they can keep giving him chance after chance after chance. My family may not have gotten everything right but one thing they did teach us is that enabling and even rewarding bad behavior is NOT the right thing to do. It is so NOT the right thing to do, it just allows the sickness to continue. This person is a user and taker of people, places and things as his own uncle says, “always looking for a freebie.”

This person “triggers” me but that wouldn’t happen if he weren’t repeatedly given chance after chance after chance. In my opinion the door should have been shut to this person years ago. He thinks it is an honor and something to be proud of that he has done “time” or has court coming up. He cannot even see the stupidity in that type of thought process and will likely always be “prison cultured.” When I worked in Corrections in a jail for a few years I saw up close and personal the reason why the recidivism factor is so high. Many become “prison cultured” and do not even have a grasp of what it is to be a human being who actually contributes to society instead of always taking, taking, taking from anyone and everyone they can.

Three strikes you’re out is my motto for anyone who is living this “pretend thug life” way. He has had well more than three strikes. Yet he is being given chance after chance after chance. How is it that I have never done anything wrong in my life, have always tried to do the good and right thing and nobody is coming to the rescue of me or others like me while people like him get break after break after break. Dr. Phil (yes I mentioned Dr Phil) would have much to say about this, I am sure. He would likely talk about “consequences,” “enabling” and “rewarding bad behavior.” Why can’t those closest to this person “see” what they are doing?

“Molly coddling” as my mother called it is not the way to go with a person like this. This person needs to get out, grow up and stand on their own two feet without any “enabling” or “favoring” from any source. Only then could a person like me even begin to think about trusting him or allowing him near me in my world. Oh, I’ve heard the song and dance about him being “blood” but that’s just another excuse and the longer people continue to “make excuses” for him, the longer he will need a “giant pacifier” without doing a lick of work for himself in the world.

Even talk about this person triggers me because he walks around bilking the bank out of money or high as a kite all the while people are telling me “he’s keeping his nose clean.” I am struggling now with the idea of just disengaging entirely from the family so I no longer have to be triggered by his garbage and that of his girlfriend who is just as toxic and messed up as he is. But what do you do when you love so many people in that family and are feeling ripped off that it is “you” who has to do anything because “you” have done nothing wrong?

So, PTSD triggers can show up anytime and from any source. We don’t always know what the triggers will be but when we do know what the triggers are, we can do our best to avoid them.  Even if that means withdrawing from some people and relationships to keep ourselves “safe.” It would be nice if there were a simple answer for this but there isn’t. Withdrawing and Avoiding are all I know to do. On that note, here is my latest PTSD poster, thank you for reading my blog today. And, if you are in my world, thank you for being kind, human and “safe.”

capture-ptsd-you-poster-6