Gee, Elinor, I think you’re swell!

Recently I lost my littlest brother. It was shocking because he was so young and had no known health issues, grew a garden and lived a pretty ordinary life of hard work and spending time with friends and loved ones.

Two and a half weeks after losing him, in the first week of November I lost my older sister. By today’s standards she was not old either, still in her sixties. The shock of both of these losses has completely numbed me. I feel as if I am living in a bad movie and hope soon I will wake up.

I wrote my brother a poem I published here and would write one for my sister but her poetry (which I have as well as her letters and cards to me over the years) outshines mine in my opinion.

When this song (see link below) was released, I thought it was about my sister and really, for me, it still is. I have much to say about what I have learned about how cruel, abusive and self centered human beings can be in the face of such devastating losses. There is also much good to say about those who “get it” and how no matter the few words they say, it is very comforting to my fractured heart. That will all be in another post. Just not up to writing it at the moment. More about my dear sister will be published here, too, but again just not up for it at the moment either.

Sorry for my absence here, will be back more as soon as I am up to it. For now, enjoy this song about my dear sister up in heaven. She really was swell.

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The Dark Hand

A life of dark cycles

Re – repeated

Indulgence wins

Good sense unseated

Cries out  for help

All answered kindly

Yet ill choices made

Consequence never timely

No turning back clocks

No re-walking sly walks

Still the narcissist

Talks, talks, and talks

I’m Gonna’ I’m gonna’ gonna’

Theme of his whole life

Near six long decades proof

Not including many decade’s wife

No pity for his bad choices

And do not ever tell her

She does not understand

Many decades lost to ill choice

Of one most determined man

Bound to an ill fate

By his very own hand

(c) Janni Styles